We live in an age where it’s pretty hard to avoid terms such as mindfulness and meditation – but why are they becoming so popular?
I found mindfulness incredibly useful for years before I knew I was even practicing it! I used to play football several times a week with a big (at least by the standards of the South London amateur leagues) 11-a-side match on a Saturday afternoon. Often I would go into the game with worries and anxieties about a range of topics – job, relationship, money, friends etc. I would run around for 90 minutes (on those occasions when I wasn’t substituted) and come off the pitch a completely different person. What seemed like problems earlier in the day had either gone away completely or seemed considerably lighter and more manageable – all while my attention was elsewhere (if I had still been focusing on them during the game I would have missed a lot of tackles and been very unpopular with my teammates). This happened time and time again – and while the physical exercise (and resulting ‘happy hormones’) helped it was only years later when I had an established daily meditation practice that it all made sense. So what was going on?
1) I was learning to tap into the vast and creative powers of the subconscious mind. While my conscious mind was fully focused elsewhere, my subconscious was at work – finally unimpeded, it had the space to work on solutions on my behalf. The conscious mind is a poor delegator - like a dog with a bone, it struggles to let go. How annoying it is when a manager hands you a piece of work and then stands over your desk interfering and giving instruction on how you should proceed? Similarly we would never give our order to a waiter and then head into the kitchen and hassle the chef to prepare our food in a certain way and telling them how to do their job? We’ve likely all experienced not remembering where we left our keys or the name of a particular person. The more we think, the more frustrated we may become – and it’s only when we go out for a walk or throw ourselves into another task the answer pops into our head, seemingly out of thin air. A similar thing can happen with what’s known as ‘writer’s block’ – staring at a blank page trying to force something but then moments later inspiration can arrive when the conscious mind is absorbed in another task like learning a musical instrument.
2) I wasn’t adding more fuel to the fire. The ‘best’ way to find yourself in a state of depression or anxiety is by giving yourself too much time to think. Sound familiar? Eckhart Tolle describes the situation of how the mind can become like a runaway train – we start one moment feeling hungry then wondering where we could go and eat and ten minutes later we’re reflecting on how terrible our life is. The mind gets a bad press these days but it’s an amazing tool, if we can understand and use it in a productive way – it’s what might be termed as ‘passive thinking’ that can cause harm.
If there is a feeling in the body (which might be labelled as ‘anxiety’ or ‘depression’) it will attract thoughts of a similar energy. The sensations in the body can be seen as a fire, and the thoughts like the fuel – the more we think in this way the larger it becomes which then attracts even more fuel (thoughts). Before we know it we can become overwhelmed and in a state of panic. Even the fiercest inferno will eventually burn down, however, and mindfulness breaks the circuit by not adding more fuel to the fire. It’s not always easy but we can learn to sit with (and even welcome) this discomfort (without thought) or engage in activities that require our full attention (and thus no thought).
Not everyone enjoys going to the gym, there are many different ways to exercise the body – going for a walk, yoga, badminton, dance, group classes etc. In a similar manner, sitting in a lotus (or half lotus) position in meditation won’t be everyone’s cup of tea but we can all find an activity that requires our full attention and there is no room for thinking – painting, combat sports, dance and learning anything new (a language, a musical instrument) etc. This is also why exploring new environments can be helpful – our minds have to pay attention to the world around us (something they don’t do if we always take the same route to work etc) – isn’t it easy to distinguish between tourists and commuters in central London?
Why is mindfulness relevant to coaching?
Einstein said “You can’t solve a problem with the same thinking that created it” – we get stuck in a loop trying to solve problems and not really getting anywhere. It may sound counter-intuitive but the less we think or (over)analyse a situation, the more likely solutions are to arrive. Similarly ‘normal’ conversations with well-meaning friends and family can leave us feeling more frustrated and further away from the problem being resolved than when we started.
Coaching for me is all about deeply listening and using silence to allow clients to tap into the vast reservoir of resources, creativity and solutions that lie within each of us.
